Nick Greenslade > Emotional Roller Coaster: You can happily skip this post

Monday, August 30, 2004 You can happily skip this post

I'm sick. I have what feels like an inflamed throat (and I looked at it in the mirror and its as red as Superman's cape), stuffed sinuses causing me to have a headache and I'm basically exhausted. And its bringing me down. I've been in bed most of today, other than to get lozenges and to watch Die Hard With a Vengeance on the couch, and I've just sat here thinking about how things actually sit right now, and how I'm feeling a little uncomfortable.

I haven't been paid yet. This week will be my sixth week in my job and I'm getting a little worried at how my Aussie money is depleting. I really want to spend [earned] pounds very very soon. I'm hoping I'll see payday sometime this week because I have £455 of rent to pay, and regardless of how much I still have in my home account, withdraws are large each time at the ATM. I guess I'm having difficulty seeing it disappear and would just wear it, knowing I can build it back up as pounds keep coming through.

I'm getting pretty lonely. I have friends here and there, but no one I can really rely on for some fun or things I like to do consistently. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one around the place like this. Most people I am friends with have partners and I've never been one to be the third wheel, even though I must apologise to these friends and say I'm never treated like that either. I don't know, I just guess I'd love to have that group of mates who I could hang out with each weekend and just do stuff; but I guess I haven't been trying to break down walls to get to these people either. I had a group back home, and I think I crave that at the moment.

So I guess, in a way, I can roll this all back to cash flow. I desperately want to travel and do some small weekend trips around the UK and would happily jump on a tour on my own, knowing that I'll meet new people there and then. But I can't plan anything without a confident cashflow. Shit my impatience will one day be the death of me I'm sure.

I'm going to just nut out this period in my travels. I have special people coming around Christmas and in the first half of next year so I don't want to be receiving postcards from them back in Adelaide. Regardless, today, I could happily be on a plane back home and back to my friends and family; but then other days I wouldn't give up this experience for the world. I heard all the "these are the days you'll have here and there", so I guess today you and I will just have to roll with it. I'm still aiming for two years minimum here -- I'm not going to get this experience ever again.

I know this post isn't what you all want to hear at all, but I didn't name it Emotional Rollercoaster for a catchy phrase and really wanted to just get this all off my chest. Its just been one of those days I expected to occur, and you can read my muddled side then my clearer picture side in each sentence, hence how well the rollercoaster analogy works.

As I mentioned on my first post ever, I hate public holidays and I think they hate me back.

I did go to the Notting Hill Carnival yesterday which was pretty unbelievable, 100,000s of people, mobile sound systems pumping out grooves, extremely spicy chicken (potentially bad throat causer addition), lots of dancing and drinking, and I did go with my housemates and their friends who were all really cool. Unfortunately missing out on the carnival's second day today being in bed unwell.

Posted by Nick @ 8:03 pm 1 comments

1 Comments:

At 7:51 am, Anonymous said...

JOE:
Doof Doof Doof....