Wednesday, February 16, 2005      Twelve reasons not to see Ocean's Twelve

This post may contain spoilers, but know this that if you read this post fully thru, know it is a warning to keep this two hours of your life for something better - go see your Mum or something.

OK us in the UK are a little behind, and I'm sure there is a few of you in Australia who've seen this flick. Even a few local mates who read this, may have alreadyy seen it as its been out for a couple of weeks now.

I just went, didn't listen to the reviews, of a number I have read, and thought I'd have a my own look and not rely on anyone for my views on a sequel to what could be a great film with a great cast.

And like Obi-Wan says in Return of the Jedi, "I was wrong". So here are my twelve reasons not to see Ocean's Twelve:

1. Andy Garcia was crap in it. He was intimidating and very suave in the first one, but you still disliked him. This one he comes across as a badly dressed, flat add-in to the story. The Untouchables is class act Garcia.

2. The movie was just an excuse to film in Europe. Were they worried that The Bourne movies were cooler because they were in "exotic" locales? Or were the stars just thinking that a trip to Europe would be a fun idea? Nice to see Amsterdam tho.

3. Bernie Mac was definitely a side character in the movie, but why was he even involved. Give the man a reason to be on screen. And what the fuck was the nail thing?

4. Don Cheadle is a classic. Unused in this edition, and a wasted talent.

5. Casey Affleck's moustache.

6. Only one gag between Affleck and Caan in the very end of the movie. They had a number of great gags and worked so well as competing brothers in the first.

7. Brad Pitt looked old and tired. He's supposed be the essence of cool and casual in this movie, and even taking the piss out of Matt Damon didn't even roll with me.

8. Julia "HorseFace" Roberts pretends to be herself. We're obviously out of storyline now and we know this movie will make millions of box office dollars so who the fuck cares any more.

9. The stupid dancing through the lasers. Please spare me the crapness of that.

10. The grease guy in the bag who played no plotline whatsoever bar comic relief.

11. The mismash of everything. You never knew where it was heading or what they really were trying to do.

12. And finally...where was the big payoff, where were the hints through the movie that sneaky things were happening right in front of you. None. Nothing. Nadda.

Steven Soderbergh you have dragged me down this time, cheated me through two hours that could've been used for at least three episodes of 24 Season 2. Potential saving grace - Catherine Zeta Jones - phwoar.

OK...deep breath. Backwards we go. Was home sick yesterday because of a sore throat - nothing like waking up feeling like you've swallowed razorblades. Had a beautiful Valentine's Day dinner at Just St James - beautiful food, beautiful drinks, beautiful restaurant, beautiful date... you get the picture. Sunday was Chinese New Year, and once we found our way, we got stuck in the huge crowd, but got some nice photos that I'll post some time. Saturday night was great, the BAFTAS were on television, but we got a closer glimpse of it all.

Go see The Aviator and not Ocean's Twelve he would contionue to write on each autograph book

Including the bloke above, there was Clive Owen, Pierce Brosnan, Richard Gere, Keanu Reeves, Emma Watson [Harry Potter], Juliette Lewis, Cate Blanchett, Christian Slater, Claudia Schiffer and Simon Pegg [Shaun of the Dead] that waved to us from the Red Carpet.

Posted by Nick @ 10:50 pm      0 comments